JusMare

life...

Thursday, May 27, 2004

been a little while since i posted on here
although i've been spending time reading some of my favourite blogs
i came across a blog by Jeff
it's probably one of the realest blogs i've read in a long time
it's all about love and breaking up
well it was
for reasons unknown, he's gotten rid of it
i have to say i'm a little disappointed
Jeff blogged about one thing, well mostly
Love, the only kind of love that i have been unfortunate enough to experience
good luck to him and his future with his ex
i'm sure things will work out just fine
being so young, it's hard to have a healthy productive relationship...speaking from experience of course
i wish u the best and don't be a stranger
to the blogging world (or the pinkpalace)

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Ostracized for being a student...



$400 is a fair amount to pay for rent
as the kitchen and my room are the only areas I pay to utilize I believe that the lawn care goes far beyond my responsibility
the lease says "landlord will be responsible for lawn maintainance and all issues pertaining to the lawn."
This being said, I walked in form work yesterday to find a note on the kitchen table from my roomate.
this note read:"Hey Mare, just wanted to let you know that the neighbour stopped by and said that the other neighbours are complaining about the lawn, he wasn't mad but just wanted us to take care of it..."
Ok firstly, I don't give a rats ass if the neighbour was mad or not, and if he was then he could possibly use that energy to mow it his damn self. Being the mature, calm (yayaya)person I am I called my landlord and asked him to get our lawn mowed at his soonest chance and then called my neighbour and explained to him that it was going to be taken care of. I usually would have put up a fight and let the weeds grow as tall as they pleased over the course of the summer but not wanting to cause problems for my landlord I didn't.
Still a little angry I swallowed my pride and tried to forget all about it.
As the night went on, my roomate came home and ran upstairs to show me a letter that had been shoved in our mailbox. it read:

PLEASE CUT YOUR LAWN!!!!!! YOU ARE DEVALUATING OUR PROPERTY. WE WILL HAVE TO CALL THE CITY TO COME IN AND CUT THE GRASS AT YOUR EXPENSE. THIS IS NOT A STUDENT GHETTO.!!!!!!

Ok so first things first, if you are too fuckin cowardly to give me the letter yourself or at least put your name and number on it so we can discuss it like mature adults then you deserve to be run over by a lawn mower. The fact that you couldn't even handwrite it shows that you want to remain as anonymous as possible and deserve to be run over by a tractor. I'm only 20 yrs of age but I have absolutely no problem having a mature civilized conversation about this, and yes even something as petty as fuckin grass.
What if it had been a family living in this house, I'm sure more consideration to their circumstance would have been made. but of course because we are students we are treated as immature juveniles.
The only juvenility that I see here is your idiotic idea that people have nothing better to do then to cut there lawn every other day to please the socially inept such as yourself.
Or maybe it is your half brain that doesn't realize that we aren't given a flippin lawn mower and that it is the responsibility of the landlord.
Talk to his big scary italian ass that way and see what happens to ya.
Point #2 - who gave you the stupid idea that the city gave a rats ass about my lawn???
It's old hags like you that annoy the shit out of people and honestly, NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY
If you have enough energy to spout off about every miniscule that hurts your precious eyes then put it to good use and mow the damn lawn yourself
and while your at it my shrubs need a little trimming...
thanks you fuckin loud mouth
what makes you think anyone wants to listen to you anyways? if you don't like it then make your own little city full of senile old hags not unlike yourself and see how much you like it.
Point #3 - I see by your note that you like to put others down, make them feel bad because they aren't as rich or as old as you.
For you to refer to us as a 'Student Ghetto' is immature and insulting.
What if an old lady lived here and couldn't cut her grass and had no one to help her out? would it then be referred to as a 'Senior's Ghetto'?
is your house referred to as a 'Dumb Old Bitch's Ghetto'?
If so then I apologize, but not until I see a big neon sign on your door reading "I'M A BIG FAT DUMB BITCH AND THIS IS MY GHETTO" will you get the satisfaction of my apology. I sincerely hope that when you wrote your stupid little note you forgot to take your meds because the more I get to know my neighbours the more I like dogs...

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Faith is the ability not to panic.
the days that follow the death of my grandmother have surfaced questions I previously had the answer to
how is it that we just blindly believe in something after this lifetime?
Thinking of myself as a devout Catholic these intrusive thoughts have been poking at my mind and heart
how is it that so many people don't worry or think about what is waiting for us?
Is it that they don't worry?
or that the subject is too vast and incomprehensible that they refuse to accept the inevitability that is their death.
In these pensive moments I have compared faith to a child's Santa Claus
something that is so great and comforting that we refuse to not believe until we are forced to
Could heaven be our Santa Claus?
Might we be forced to see the truth only in our passing?
These thoughts hurt me for one reason...
I want to believe in the afterlife, I've been brought up to believe in that something more.
Yet why these questions?
Maybe the tough spots in our lives call us to reevaluate our lives and beliefs
Maybe it is meant to ultimately strengthen our faith
God grant me the ability to feel the things I do not understand and believe in you when I cannot see.

Monday, May 17, 2004


Lucha Ferreyros died this morning at 1am
my grandma meant so much to so many people
so why is it that just a short while ago, she expressed her fear of dying
not because of the pain
but because she was scared she wasn't good enough to get to heaven
she thought that she had done nothing worth eternal life
i feel a slight sense of relief knowing that now she sees just how special she is
she did get to heaven, and she can see how much her life had truly affected everyone she knew
what a scary feeling...not knowing whats next, not knowing who's waiting for you on the other side
all I know is that I will sleep a little better and worry a little less knowing that her and my grandpa are waiting to greet me
to two of the most amazing people, God Bless You
and I will thank you everyday for the rest of my life for giving me my mom, more beautiful than us all.

Friday, May 14, 2004

went to Philthys last nite
friend's birthdays are always pretty crazy
last nite was my best friends birthday so the nite was friggin insane
i haven't been drunk in a long time
not only was i drunk i broke my stilettos last nite
the destruction of my favourite pair of shoes at the hands of my drunken ass is not something i want to deal with in the morning
saw j-mo there, he was looking as hot as always
saw my ex boyfriend from 2 yrs ago
we talked a lot last nite
a lot of things were said by me that i wish i would have said when i was sober
i do miss him and still think about him but he is probably doubting everything that comes out of my drunk ass mouth
i think i'll call him today and apologize
its funny how you can think you have your life together one second and lose it all when u look into someones eyes
probably not so healthy for me to put any more stress in my life right now...
oh yes, i went for an ultrasound to find out what the lump is yesterday
i wont find out the results until next week
but i'll be sure to post when i find out

Friday, May 07, 2004



went to the doctors today
turns out i have a lump in my breast
could things get any worse?

Monday, May 03, 2004

I wanna fall in love...




The kind of love that makes you weak at the sight of them
the kind that you want to experience over and over again every day
I had that once with a guy named Chris
then he moved away and the distance was too much and too far
now it seems as though every time I find a guy i'm comparing him.
chris was so long ago and I still havent found anyone or anything like him
I've enjoyed spending time with the guys i've dated since
but I cant seem to find that feeling again
the butterflies everytime you see them, even if you've seen them everyday for the last 3 yrs
there was a time when I thought I had found it again
but as time passes, ppl stop trying and they begin to take everything for granted
I'm beginning to ask myself if there really is anything like that out there for me.
If I ruined it the first time
Is there that one person for everyone? Can I find it again?
I hope so...
And if not...be prepared for a lot more of these sappy ass posts