Wednesday, June 30, 2004

stayed home from work today
had a major panic attack at the mall yesterday
just walkin through tryin to find myself a skirt and bam it hits
i couldnt breathe, my heart was racing, my arms were tingling and the feeling of derealization or depersonalization took over my body, basically that feels like your in a dream or out of your body.
i know my eyes must have been rolling into the back of my head bcs this one lady just kept looking at me like i was insane.
fuck maybe i am
got home eventually and started doing some research
my doc had diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder but what i just felt was in NO way general.
so i have come to a self diagnosis
i'm completely fucking insane...or i have panic disorder

now i have to do something about this, don't ever want that to happen again. i can honestly say it was the scariest thing anyone could go through.

after that episode i couldnt sleep all nite and i had a fever of 103. so yesterday was a complete write off
the only productive thing was figuring out that i am indeed psychotic
which reestablishes the beliefs of mr mike
maybe he wasnt such an utter dumbass after all


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