JusMare

life...

Thursday, August 26, 2004

so far i have $50 towards my 'gonna take lots of crazy nekkid pics digital cam'
all i need is another $400 or so
i'm guessing the nekkidness starts in a couple weeks

tomorrow will be my last day at the workforce development office
at the meeting this morning they singled me out and told me how much they'd miss me
i cried
they handed me a gift ($50 at Staples)
i cried again
they had a cake
they asked me to say a few words
all i could get out were mumbled fragments of what was supposed to be a beautiful speech
well at least in my head it was
the rest of the day got progressively sadder
they got two cakes...because they know i love it...both chocolate of course
today is the first day i've seen a room full of grown men and women (well two semi gay men) cry over me...felt good, i'll need to figure out how to make that happen again
maybe a pretend illness, or even a fake death in which i burst into the room in the middle of my funeral and watch as people's faces turn from mourning to pure terror to you dirty little bitch this cost us a fortune...
but seriously i could not have worked with a better group of people
they took turns writing something in a card for me and when i read it i had to leave the room
it said things like:
"You had me at hello"
"I've seen you blossom and you're a natural in this field"
"You have a special gift of giving and there is no doubt in my mind that you are pursuing the right career"
ok so i'll stop with the bragging but come on...they make me feel so good
it's nice to hear things like that sometimes...it makes you feel secure
Life is so full of insecurities and doubt that we need to surround ourselves with praise and truth in order to come out smiling.

In other news I am going nucking futs without a scale at the house
I don't know if i'm at my goal or just getting fatter
hey that might sound dumb but you never know I could be gaining tons of weight because of some illness that is only curable within one week of onset and have no clue........and then die

i hate when people don't do what they say they're gonna do

i hate when "bestfriends" make new best friends with the old bestfriends that no one wants to be bestfriends with anymore because they were never good bestfriends in the first place...aarrrghhh

Monday, August 23, 2004

listening to Raymi's interview on the Dune and Bob show...fuckin crazy i love it
anyways...spent this weekend drunk to the point of non-remembrance
Friday night i went out with the coworkers to a king henry the 8th dinner theatre/feast and drink your balls off event.
free wine, free beer, free food
not only was the food good, but it was still whole and by that i mean that we had full pigs and lambs and chickens (well chickens are pretty common)
they brought the pig out and cut it's head off infront of us and i was all "dude what are you doing with that head??? send it over this way"
pig ears are friggin delishhhhhh
the boy met me at the house after, we drove back to hamilton, and then came back out to st kitts in the morning...sleepin beside him is so great, i'd drive for miles just to wake up beside him
Saturday some friends came on up to the house and we went out and partied
i've now decided that i need to give up on the alcohol a little bit
i get so drunk that i act like a turd and make the boy take care of me all night, i'm sure thats not the way he wants to spend his night
we fought like dogs when we got back to the house
"i'm fuckin outta here, you're acting like a bitch"
"fuck you then, don't think you're driving"
::fight lasts about 1/2 hour::
after another drink i walk back into the room
"so you wanna order pizza?"
"ok hunny"
"you're my favourite"
"no you are"
::fight complete::
wake up the next morning with a killer hangover, a condom on the floor in my bathroom and vomit covered clothes in my bathtub
two of which i had nothing to do with...
like i want my friends to get layed and all but dude do it somewhere where i'm not naked 3 times a day
but anyways congrats to "U" for the lays these last few weeks, you're a star
"you think that's whorish of me mare?"
"listen if we wanna get technical then we can say i got layed both times you were up here too"
::although it was with the same guy whom just happened to be my boyfriend...but hey::
so glad I left the bar early because two girls of mine were walking out of the bathroom, and if i was there i would have definitely been limping and stumbling behind them, anyways...someone puked all over the back of them
it was in their hair, their backs and pants were covered in random vomit
aahahahahahhhhhaaa
they didn't even notice until some chick was all "yo you have puke all over you"
and they were all "no shit thats gross lets get another beer"
they stayed for another 1/2 hour with vomit all over them bcs they were too intoxicated to give a shit...i love my friends


Tuesday, August 17, 2004

fuckin dizzy as hell right now
maybe it's the lack of food in the last few months
down to 105...10 more pounds
I don't care what anyone says 95lbs is damn good
not too skinny, ok well really skinny...but sexy as hell
The skinnier I am the better I feel about my body during sex
there's nothing better than going no holds bar and not having to worry about what you look like in whichever position you choose
the boy came over and tied my hands to the bed last night
on one side it was his tie and the other his belt...hot hot hot
wow his sex is good
better than any i've had before
he's gone for a couple days so i'm forced to hold out
i hate waiting for things that i want
and i want him
I think i've turned into a nympho

Monday, August 16, 2004

This is the grossest/funniest/wierdly sweet story I've ever read:

Crippled Karen from ehowa.com

Sunday, August 15, 2004

woke up to the stench of stale alcohol
Don't drink too much is what she said as I walked out the door
no worries ma, I'm good ::stumbles down the driveway::
ever sit below a window feeling the breeze as it sweeps through the room
the sound of the birds and leaves and all that nice shit
feels nice...smells nice...never really appreciate the little things that matter most
The last couple of weeks I've been lacking in the faith department
it's not because I'm mad or resentful or anything like that
it feels like i've just forgotten how
forgotten how to pray
forgotten how to say thank you
forgotten how to love
forgotten how to see the little miracles that take place everyday
when I'm up at my house I forget...
the best feeling is knowing that there is somewhere you can go to put yourself right back where you want to be
this place for me is my parents house in the backyard with coffee and cigarettes
I told my dad about the way I've been feeling and he surprised me with a rosary from my grandmother
made of pearls and gold, it's gorgeous
He told me to carry it with me where ever I go to remind me to be thankful
The boy has no religion, and in a way it bothers me...but more so than that I think it's neat that he can be such a great guy and have such good values when he could do horrible things and not worry about whats waiting for him afterwards.
everyone we meet in life serves a purpose, they teach us something
Haven't yet figured out what I'm supposed to learn but I figure I'll have a good time along the way.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

ok so lets start the post with...ya I'm fuckin hammered
today started out as a normal day...started work at 1pm bcs I was to job coach at the mall for a client. Saw the boy for a bit... brownie blizzard, cappacino yada yada yada
went back to work to hang clothes with the client...it sucked ass
after work was what I've been waiting for all week
a coworker of mine had invited me over for dinner and a drink...now the last time I went over I got pretty heavily intoxicated and I thought this time to be no different...holy fuck was I right
Not only did we drink but we drank so much that I may not be able to make it into work tomorrow.
I spent $150 today...on a skirt, a pair of pants, a t-shirt, and 5 pairs of undies
I wouldn't normally spend so much on undies but they were the hottest things...

Bought the black ones with pink kisses and the pink ones with black kisses
anyways, back to tonight...went to my coworkers house and I can't help but be amazed by older couples that are still together...how do you put up with some one for 5 years let alone 50...crazy
anyways I'm gonna go try on my undies and feel sexy so I'll be posting tomorrow when I'm half sober at least..night all



Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Lets start with this morning...
Three people called in sick, now normally this wouldn't be a problem in a normal sized office but with an entire staff count of 10 this wasn't good
I had two classes to teach today, one in the morning and in the afternoon
Cancelled them both so that I could cover one of the sicky's shifts at one of our store sights.
For those of you that don't know, I work for a workforce development agency directly related to the Goodwill chain of used clothing stores. All of our clients have some sort of disability and when going through our program are sent out to the stores as a 'work training experience'.
We mainly just teach them basic work skills and then send them on their way.
Today was not a good day...three clients and myself and our student coop. On the way to the store we decided to stop for Tim Horton's...ok what the fuck is goin on with their tea???
no more teabags, just brown water
As we walked up to the store we saw one of our clients laying on the sidewalk bcs she had walked into the glass door and hurt herself...i'm not kidding...this is what I see EVERYDAY
After picking her up we make our way inside and start setting some goals for the three of them.
Our only male client was to go out back and help recieve donations with the rest of the staff
Now is it just me or is it not a good idea to let a severely physically and mentally disabled individual pick up a lazyboy by his fuckin self?
well obviously not to the geniuses that work at the Goodwill
He picked up the lazyboy with such strength that it didn't stop on its way up...oh no...it flipped over and fell directly on him causing him to twist his ankle and start crying.
at this point one of the supervisors came and grabbed me to fill out an accident report..thanks guys
At lunch we decided to go to subway bcs my coop student 'A' had a free 6' sub
She pulled out the card and asked for an apple juice with her order...little did she know that the back of the card said she could only get pop with her sub
I've never seen a grown woman get so adamant about apple juice...she screamed...the server screamed and we left subless and with a paper cup flying out the door behind us.
This did not end my day...as i get back the store is in a panic looking for me. Mr.Lazyboy has had a seizure and is now incoherent and crawling around the back room
Has anyone called an ambulance?
No we thought we'd wait for you
How long was his seizure for?
At least 4 minutes
Are you a fucking idiot???
What?
So just bcs he's disabled we allow him to have a seizure and crawl around the back room almost unconcious and bleeding without thinking of calling an ambulance
Well we thought this happened all the time...
Gimme a fucking break, call the fuckin ambulance and while your at it call headoffice and transfer them to me bcs you're getting fired
::10 minutes go by::
Ya pack your shit and get out...your FIRED!!
Long story short, ambulance came, client is alright, worker is fired, I hate ignorant people and days like today...

Monday, August 09, 2004

I say Fuck you

Fuck you life
Fuck you being nervous
Fuck you when you ask what's wrong
Fuck you when you don't mind your own business
Fuck people who don't know how to cook
Fuck off when you question me
Fuck you when you are so transparent
Fuck not knowing whats next
Fuck you when you go away for so long
Fuck you when you come back and get mad bcs I didn't wait
Fuck Tim Horton's coffee that gets cold after 10 minutes
Fuck you if you think I'm crazy
Fuck slutty little spanish chicitas that try to fight me
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Sunday, August 08, 2004

This weekend wasn't nearly as eventful as last
Friday night was my only night to party and it didn't turn out so well
went out with Jen and her boyfriend and his friends showed up (remember his perverted ass friends?)
well the big perv wasn't there but I still didn't feel comfortable so I left for the boy's house.
He had to work in the morning and I kept him up with my frequent trips to kneel infront of the porcelaine gods... not once, not twice, but thrice
I blame Jen...not the tequila itself, but the evil hands that handed it to me
I still love you tequila...Jen not so much
haha kidding
Lastnight was one of the best nights I've spent with the boy so far
we got some wine and just spent time together
for the first time I actually like spending time with a guy... not bored yet...he beat the 2 week mark which decides the fate of all of my relationships.
At the end of these two weeks I usually find myself avoiding phonecalls and wondering why I even bother with the opposite sex (he's doing good so far)
In the words of Carmen Electra...I know I like him because after we had sex I still wanna hang around and get to know him
The only bad thing about this relationship is that it scares me... how is it possible to be so comfortable with someone you've known barely 2 months? Judging from previous experience, when I get scared I start to back off. Hopefully I don't ruin this one with my immature shit.
So it's back to a week alone in St Catharines, working and blogging
both of which I am slacking on

Wednesday, August 04, 2004


Hate those tan lines you get at the beach
they push us girls into getting bikinis with minimal coverage so that the lines aren't too visible
and then they call us sluts
I think the nude beach is for me
no tan lines, no worries
or I could go to a tanning salon...
no no... Nude Beach is a much better idea
How are we expected to look good nekkid when we have white triangles outlining our nipples and fun areas?
Are the tan lines sexy?


Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Weekend Update:

Hoping the rain would stop was what I did all day Friday as I sat in a stuffy office directly beside a window that stayed shut so as to keep out any unwanted water.
Caribana was the destination...
but like usual my plans did not work out... Damn You Rain... Damn You Friends that didn't want to go...
The night didn't turn out to be so bad, we went to see 'The Village'
Pretty crazy flick if you like to jump out of your skin every 5 minutes or so.

The following night had a little bit more potential.
The destination: Wedding reception with the boy
Outcome: good then bad then good again
Girls and J-Mo, someone please tell me why guys insist on saying the dumbest things at the worst times?!!?
As we sat there enjoying our drinks and conversation, the boy pulled the..."there's a lot of hot girls here tonight"
Now WTF is that?
Why did he find it completely necessary that I knew how hot he found all of the other girls?
After careful deliberation of whether death was an appropriate punishment (no no) or trying to talk it out ::sigh::...I have decided to make him read the manual:



No hunny you're not a dummy, I just suggest that every man read this

Anyways after a bit of bickering we both shrugged it off and proceeded to the dance floor. The rest of the night is a blurr thanks to my best bud rum.

Day: Sunday
Destination: Beach!!
Been a little while since I went to the beach. Anyone who lives in Hamilton or surrounding area has been to Port Dover at least 15 times/summer. Home to the footlong dog and Golden Glow...oh ya and home to some of the best lookin half-nekkid people around
Steph and I headed to the beach around 12
As we walked to the beach we chatted loudly about everything from our guys to video taped sex...oh wait thats all we talked about.
When done talking we heard giggling...there were three younger girls walking behind us the entire time. I think we have created 3 new sluts in Dover...awesome learn from the best, haha no
The beach was beautiful, but not as good as our new tans and my hot pink bikini.

This is getting long...
Long Weekend = Long Post

Sunday night I took J-Mo up on an invite to go camping with him, Nico and their friends. Twas an excellent night, and don't listen to what Nico says about my Pisco (drink), it was delicious and got me drunk real quick. J-Mo even liked it but I have a feeling he likes just about anything...he was drinkin a Caesar EWWWW
Thanks guys for the night, you're all a blast!

Ok so Monday we went back to Dover, tanned some more and now I'm sitting here wishing I could turn back time and start the weekend all over again.