Thursday, October 21, 2004

the days seem to be getting better and better...
I volunteer at a shelter for abused women and children every tuesday and thursday
what fulfilling days they turn out to be
today we had some kids down in the playroom (15 to be exact) and we played games and watched movies while their moms took a "forgiveness" class
just watching all of the kids interact and seeing how they felt about us playing with them made the anticipation for my own grow that much more
Sure it's tough work sometimes (well most of the time) but I don't know of any other job more rewarding than parenting
A meeting this morning with a former employer also opened up some doors for me... I was offered a job after the baby's out and my school's done
It's actually funny how everything worked out because I'll be done school in April so I don't need to worry about not having a diploma. And then I can begin my career once the baby gets a little older.
It is truly amazing how much the people around me have supported me...my work, my family, my real friends, all really great and deserving of much more than a thank you ( and I promise to make it up to you one day)
and to everyone leaving such supportive comments...thank you too!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

i find it funny that people come over to my site and tell me things that they think i want to hear...if you don't like what you're reading then go away...get a life
you know absolutely nothing about mine and adam's relationship so keep your idiocies to yourself
all people like you care about is making others feel bad when in turn you yourself are a heartless bitch
i hope to god you don't say things like that to people in person because I personally feel sorry for anyone you come in contact with...you are cruel and bitter and are the one who needs to grow up
I refuse to stop blogging because people like you think its "not normal"...this is what I've chosen to do and if you don't like it then move on
go make someone's life miserable as i'm sure you always do
Adam is like no one I've met before and I'm positive we'll do just fine and I've only known this baby for a couple of weeks and I already know that I would do absolutely anything for it...even die
I would give it anything and I plan to...so don't scrutinize my decisions...I'm sure you've had sex before so what would you do if you got pregnant? be miserable?? so sorry if my happiness makes you mad but for once in your life try looking at something some other way than pessimistically and be happy for someone who's making the right decision.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I love how dumb little whores waddle their dumb asses over to my site and leave rude comments about my decision to be a mother.
even funnier is the fact that whomever it was that left it clearly wasn't named veronica and was from the hamilton area according to their IP address
I am so fucking sick of everyone knowing about this blog...i'm changing it and no one is getting the address
I'm already aware of quite a few people that know about it...most of which I never got along with
If you left that comment today in a hurtful way then I hope you never have kids of your own...grow up and get a life
and don't mess with a pregnant chick because i'm moody as hell

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Thanksgiving weekend turned out much better than i expected
i got home Friday night and the boy took me out for a bit...as we walked into my house my dad was there with some family friends staying over for the weekend
Martin, Rosa and their 1 yr old daughter Camilla
my dad was 'obviously drunk' and playing with camilla on the floor
"Just practicing to be a grandfather guys," as we walk into the living room
"but I'm not in any rush"
saturday morning I woke up and was about to burst if I didn't tell my mom
"maybe you should sit down Ma"
"what the hell did you do?"
"well I have some good news for ya"
"oh god"
"your turkey is smelling delightful"
::confused look on her face::
"well what I'm getting at is that I too have a turkey in the oven..."
"HOLY S#&%!"
that night we had the family over for a thanksgiving party, yes we have parties for just about every occasion..."oh you're pregnant? sounds deserving of a party!" (as you will see later)
the party went well but it was more than difficult to keep a secret of such life destructing magnitude from my dad (not my life but his)
to my amazement not one person asked me why I wasn't drinking or smoking and we got through the night without incident
sunday morning I woke up with determination
I was going to tell my dad and nothing was going to stop me
the reaction I was expecting from him went a little like this:
"dad I'm pregnant"
"you little slutface...I'm gonna kill you and then your good for nothing boyfriend"
his actual reaction went more like this:
"dad i'm pregnant...it's not like I planned it but Adam and I are really excited about this...I know you probably think I'm irresponsible but I promise you that I am taking full responsibilty for this and..."
::tears stream down his face::
"just shut up and come here"
::grabs me and hugs me::
"so what you're trying to tell me is that you're gonna make me a grandfather really soon"
"yes I am"
"congratulations sweetie..."
we talked about it for an hour or so and he told me that him and my mom would be there for me no matter what and how happy I'd made him
::if I wasn't preggers I probably would have put a gun to my head to wake myself up out of that crazy dream::
I could not have made up a better reaction from my dad
this child is going to grow up surrounded by so much love...
I'm no longer worried about anything because I know I have the greatest bunch of people around me to help me through it
so anyways later that night my dad invited over a few people to tell them the great news (yes another party)
and now Adam and I have a lot of planning to do...
oh yes and thank you so much to all of you for your kind words, i include all of you in the "greatest bunch of people."
Funny thing though...when telling a friend of mine about my pregnancy the first thing she said was "oh shit...well don't worry I won't tell anyone because you never know what people will say"
well let me tell you something sweetheart, if you care about what other people think of your pregnancy then you might as well not have it... what an idiotic, immature way to look at the best thing that has happened in my life... it's actually quite funny that at 20 I can be more mature about this than someone much older... if you're reading this then grow the fuck up and get on the birth control quickly because you clearly cannot raise a kid right now :)

Friday, October 08, 2004

i think we've got the names down to 4:
Personally i love zach... nine months isn't nearly enough time to decide on a name that will stick with my kid forever
I told one member of my family already: my kid brother. well he's not so much of a kid, 18 actually.

Mare: it's gonna be a bad weekend
Renato: oooh no....your not ruining thanksgiving for me
Mare: oh its already done
Renato: omg you better not be shitting me
Mare: nope i'm not
Mare: promise u won't say a word till i tell mom and dad?
Renato: ok
Mare: ur gonna be an uncle real soon
Renato: WHAT
Renato: wow....you and adam right
::now what kind of question is that?::
Mare: yes of course
Mare: i'm really happy about it...just kinda scared
Renato: does adam know
Mare: ya
Renato: congrats....im so happy for you sis
Mare: do u think mom and dad will be?
Renato: well if you cant show them that you guys have a plan....and you guys are dedicated...i dont see why not.....there pretty understanding
Mare: ya true...although no plan has been formed as of yet there should be one soon...i'm just really scared about the all if the financial stuff (and getting fat) lol
Mare: i dont wanna tell them until sunday after the party bcs it will ruin thier thanksgiving and i wanna give them one last good holiday
Renato: ya sunday is probably a good idea...and i wouldn't worry so much about getting fat you could stand to gain 50 lbs and still look great...when did you find out
Mare: last sunday
Mare: so uncle renato sounds pretty good eh
Renato: it sounds great....a little early for me....but it works:)
Mare: adam says pls dont tell mom and dad before sunday bcs he doesn't wanna die before it's born
Renato: haha....thats the last thing mom and dad would do....they know you'll need the child support
Mare: lol nah adams not goin anywhere...we're raising it together
Renato: glad to hear it....have you guys thought about marriage
Renato: ya i know....sorry i said it
Mare: i dont want to use my baby as an excuse to marry him...one step at a time
Renato: makes sense
Mare: cool...ok well thanks for understanding bro
Mare: i gotta get to bed, early class
Renato: ya no prob....thats what im here for sis
Renato: goodnight and take care of my nephew
I think I can now officially say that I have the greatest brother...and he definitely calmed some fears about telling the parents. I won't be blogging until monday or tuesday so wish me luck...

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

so I found out sunday night that I was preggers
I first took a test on friday night which was negative
by sunday I still hadnt gotten my period and I was starting to feel pretty funny
everytime I stood up I saw stars...you know when you stand up really quick and everything goes blurry...well I've been getting that for minutes at a time
Sunday morning I had to run to the bathroom...well about 3 times throughout the night
the boy found it hard to believe so I had to prove what I already knew was happening to my body with another test
this one was positive...and then he too was positive
For some reason I thought I would be upset or mad when I saw the result but I couldn't do anything to hold in my smile.
I've never been so happy and scared and excited and confused all at once
Not confused if I want it but just if I can be the mom this baby needs
I'm obviously not financially stable enough to raise this baby
although my support network is amazing...i'm more and more amazed everyday by all of it
I know that mentally, I couldn't be more ready for this baby... I know that no one will love it more than I... I know that I could not have chosen a better daddy for him... and I know that no matter what, I would already die for it.
Keeping it was the only option for me, the hardest part about all of this is going to be the nine months I have to wait to finally see his face.
My parents are about the only people in the world that don't know about it yet... I figure I'll give them one more good holiday before I drop the bomb
I was thinking about names today...I know what you're thinking:
"Mare you've already known for a few days, you should have first and middle picked out already..."
so what do you think of these ones?
thats all i've come up with as of yet so please help me out!

Monday, October 04, 2004

never in my life has so much been going on all at once...I think that you my precious readers need to know whats up so here goes:
Firstly, this past Saturday we got a phonecall from Peru saying that there had been an attempted murder........on my grandmother
see my gramma has this thing with helping people, she lives near a poor neighbourhood and all of the local bums come over to her house everyday and she feeds them
one bum/fucking lowlife cocksucker was her favourite, after telling her his sob story about how he wasnt allowed to see his kid and how he wanted to go back to school my gramma started to teach him to read every week.
well this saturday was no different, as he went into the house he grabbed a bottle and proceeded to bash my 80 yr old grandma in the back of the skull until he had broken her nose, cheekbone, jaw, and nearly killed her.
Now my gramps is extremely protective of her and ran into the kitchen screaming...seeing this the man ran out of the house - amazing part about that is that my gramps hasn't walked in 4 yrs, he's been wheelchair bound, his legs didnt even work
shes doing better now...got out of the hospital with non life threatening injuries and the assailant is in custody.....
Funny thing about the Peruvian justice system is that he will be out in a month

Ok and now for the rest of my news...I'm pregnant