JusMare

life...

Friday, November 12, 2004

The bars on the window seem so cold and the foggy glass barely lets in any light.
The only breeze coming through here is that of the children as they run past the office doors.
Not much goes on here during the day. The older children are at school, most of the moms work, and the other kids spend most of their time upstairs.
When I'm in at 8:30am, I sit here and think, read, write, but mainly just listen.
When the kids get home and the moms come out it gets pretty busy.
The moms don't like to talk to us child/youth counsellors much, maybe they think we'll start asking the kid questions, maybe they have something to hide, whatever it is, it's nice when one of them decides to talk to us.

"he gets out of jail tomorrow you know"

"I've heard, how do you feel about that?"

"my kids miss him, they haven't been saying much"

"are the kids aware of why you had to leave?"

"they get to have friends now, thats all they know"

"have friends?"

"ya they've never had any, never really left the house, they weren't allowed to talk much either"

"he was afraid they'd tell someone?"

"I think so, I think they're still scared to talk"

"tell me what it was like a day in your house..."

::she looks relieved::

It only takes a few minutes to let someone vent. Hard when you don't know what they'll say, or what you can say to help them through it.
Truth is that sometimes you don't have to say anything, just listen.
When I first started counselling class I was so nervous. They taught us the proper way to say hello, the proper way to sit, and how to push all of your own personal feelings away and not judge.
Intimidating is not even the word for it, someone would eventually sit infront of me with their life in pieces expecting me to fix it. This day hasn't come yet, probably because I look so young...if i were in trouble, some young girl is not exactly the first person i would turn to.
The children turn to me though, they tell me all their darkest secrets, the ones that no one else knows. Stories of being scared, being hurt, seeing their family get hurt. They talk so freely, some of them. Like they don't really know the magnitude of their words, like it happened to someone else.
A lady is sitting outside the office with her daughter right now, maybe she needs to talk...

Monday, November 08, 2004

FINALLY HAVE TITLES!!

changed the template for this thing, much better than the "douchbag" format I think,
it was J-Mo's birthday this weekend, he's now the wonderful age of 55...haha
happy birthday babe, wish I could've been there but alas I couldn't...
I am really starting to miss the bars and all the drinking and smoking that takes place in them
not only have I quit all three but I am spending my fridays and saturdays either sleeping by 10 pm or hanging out with the babydaddy
I'm not complaining, just expressing to my former friend Youth how much I miss her
Now my days are filled up with making sure I eat enough and rub on just enough of my cream that I prevent any future stretchmarks.
::oh god, she talks about this shit so much::
oh well...I'm allowed to, I love the fact that I can come on here and talk about absolutely anything, and I love it even more when people come and get offended by it

I have my second doctors appointment on friday and I get to listen to the baby's heartbeat
I want to tape it and put it on here but i don't think its possible
Maybe i'll put my ultrasound up, but that won't be for another few weeks

it's funny how i used to have so damn much to write about when my life was boring and now that it's been turned upside down my head is blank... i won't bore you guys with these posts much anymore, from now on... only quality posts but with more time in between
I think quality is better than quantity, although this theory hasn't exactly worked for me as of lately


Monday, November 01, 2004

9 weeks and counting...

I have so much to write about lately, yet so little ambition to do so
one second I'm happy, the next I'm capable of murder due to the increasingly uneven flow of hormones throughout my body
I throw up a few times per day
I eat more than ever
I gain weight
all of which would have scared the hell outta me before...but this time i don't care
I do it for you little guy :)
Adam and I have decided to move in together soon, probably within the next 2 months
Thank God for Adam, he's my rock right now

We think we may be a fluke in the system...most people fall in love over time
it's my personal belief that love is something you need to work at, try real hard for
we met and within weeks we were in love, most couples wouldn't exactly be so happy about the coming baby, but we are
it's funny because I couldn't have dreamed up a better dad or mate